Friday, 9 March 2012

stoned

After 2 weeks of classes, I am still settling into my new routine. Particularly now I am really confused with myself as I don't know what I want out of uni life. close friends? hi-bye-but-many friends? experience? studies? God based life?  I thought I knew myself really well but turns out there's still so many things I do not know about me. Like the fact that I thought I was a really accepting but in truth I'm really quick to judge a person. Just the fact I get impatient really easily surprised myself as I thought I was patient.

It's crazy to think that in the next 3 years my life is going to be something like the first 2 weeks. going to campus and seeing the same faces; I'm beginning to think that I hate people already! just joking. but seriously, sometimes when I'm on my long long break in front of the computer in the library waiting for the next lecture to start, I would think that how nice it would be if I was in the fields of a high mountain ALONE. the fresh air, the nature, the peace. just to chill and unwind would be so nice. It would be such a pleasant change of always being surrounded by people. Humans are unpredictable and complex. One might be acting this way but thinking another, in fact we do it all the time! Pretending to be okay when its not. Appearing to help others when in truth they are just helping for the benefit of themselves. Pretending to be nice to someone and then bitching about them later. can anyone tell me that that is not crazy? but then again, I am human too. As we grow older, the mind is able to function so much more critically, we know that things are not always what they seem, thus we lose our child like innocence, growing to be more and more weary each day.

But I am grateful life is not all about the glum and darkness, currently there is still blast and sparkles of light which gives me hope that life is precious. I may not have friends in uni who knows the very in depths of me, but I have friends who can make me laugh a tons lot. I have family who although may be super annoying at times, but is always there to help me out and love me. And I also seek opportunities to make my life more interesting. I am officially a volunteer worker for the 10 Saturdays to come and I am looking forward to it!

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